Twitter is a joke factory, where professional comics and civilian jesters crank out one-liners round the clock.
In that joke factory, there are popular models. Every day, new jokes play on phrases such as “Dance like no one is watching,” “Sex is like pizza,” and “When life hands you lemons.” While the repetition can be maddening, I’m impressed by how, inevitably, there’s always another good joke lurking in even the most tired formula. “Give a man a fish” variations are endless, but there’s always a fresh catch, like this tweet by Erikka Innes:
Give a fish a man, he eats for a day. Teach a fish to catch a man and OH MY GOD DON'T STEAL MY AWESOME IDEA FOR A HORROR MOVIE
— Erikka Innes (@nerdgirlcomedy) January 11, 2013
Some formulas are seasonal. The arrival of 2013 brings variations of a formula I presume originated as a simple observation: “It’s X year, but I’m still writing X-1 year on my checks.” Some use the snowclone-like formula to point out its own exhaustion:
I can't believe it's almost 2013! I'm still writing a popular joke construction on all of my checks!
— Jelisa Castrodale (@gordonshumway) December 29, 2012
I'm still writing hacky jokes on my checks.
— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) January 1, 2013
Ugh, I'm still writing this joke format on all my tweets.
— wile e. quixote (@ScottLinnen) January 1, 2013
People write these kind of tweets about every joke formula, so I’d say pointing out hackiness has become its own form of hackery. Another option is using this format to comment on how checks have mostly gone the way of dinosaurs. This was a popular theme this year:
Still writing "nobody accepts checks anymore, ya stupid check" on all my checks
— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) January 1, 2013
Ugh. I'm still writing "what is a check" on Twitter.
— blondediva11 (@blondediva11) January 1, 2013
I’m still writing “WHY THE HELL IS THERE NO WAY TO PAY THIS ONLINE?” on all my checks.
— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) January 1, 2013
When jokesters move beyond the world of checks by replacing the word check, the humor gets more humorous:
Ugh, still writing 2012 on my death threats.
— Denise! (@Stellacopter) January 10, 2013
Dangit! I'm still writing "2012" on my suicide notes.
— jeffkreisler (@jeffkreisler) January 7, 2013
So embarrassing, I'm still writing 2012 on my boss's car with my keys.
— Ryan Patricks (@Ryan_Patricks) January 5, 2013
Others keep the check part and replace 2012. In some cases, the subject matter stays close to the world of money, usually implying the tweeter is broke or a deadbeat:
It's 2013, but I'm still writing "This will bounce" on all my checks.
— helv (@highwaytohelv) January 10, 2013
I'm still writing 112th Congress on my checks. (I don't have any money.)
— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) January 4, 2013
Ugh! It's 2013 and I can't believe I'm still writing "Child Support, choke on it Denise" on all my checks.
— Ramsey Ess (@RamseyEss) January 1, 2013
Sometimes 2012 gets replaced with something a lot more creative:
It's January 3. I can't believe I'm still writing "I’ve always viewed the smoke break as the golf course of the creative class" on my checks
— A dog named BOO! (@HitlerPuncher) January 4, 2013
It's 2013, but I'm still writing "THE BLOOD OF MINE ENEMIES SHALL POUR DOWN LIKE RAIN" on my checks.
— Rob Kutner (@ApocalypseHow) January 2, 2013
A double replacement adds more possibilities:
It's 2013 and I'm still writing "I want to go home" on all of my work emails.
— Ann Coultergeist (@OhNoSheTwitnt) January 7, 2013
Ugh. I’m still writing “2082” on all the specimen jars in my time machine.
— Jason Sweeney (@sween) January 1, 2013
And there’s plenty of room for absurd silliness, intriguing questions, and wordplay galore:
I'm still writing 2012 on allthsnarrgleflug HONK HONK
— lanyard (@lanyardigan) January 2, 2013
It's 2013 but hipsters are still writing 1890 on all their checks.
— Dan Kennedy (@DanKennedy_NYC) January 1, 2013
If you’re still writing 2012 on your cheques, the real question is, what’s with the British spelling?
— Mαtt Thomαs (@mattthomas) January 7, 2013
I'm still writing "KONY 2012" on all my children.
— Beer Baron (@BeerBaron4life) January 1, 2013
"I'm still writing 2012 on all my Czechs." -Guy who likes writing on people from Central Europe
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) January 1, 2013
Love it or loathe it, this joke format will likely survive as long as we have years. Even in 3013, I bet we’ll still be writing “Please have sex with me” into the programming of our robots.