Sloth: A Lifestyle

It’s Friday so we thought we would lighten things up around here and give our loyal readers something fun to kick-off the weekend with (not that our other posts aren’t fun!). So today Oxford University Press challenges you to be slothful, to lean back, sink into your couch and to remain there for 48-hours.

To guide you along we turned to the late Wendy Wasserstein, author of Sloth , part of our Seven Deadly Sins series. Wasserstein was the Pulitzer Prize winning playwright of The Heidi Chronicles, which also won a Tony Award.

Below is some advice from Wasserstein on being slothful in style:

Let me tell you a little story about Harry Ackerman. Harry was looking at high blood pressure, high blood sugar, depression, isolation, bankruptcy, divorce, and sexual perversion right in the face. Harry was at high risk for self-implosion. He went to shrinks, he went to career counselors, he went to hypnotists, he went to whores, he went to priests, he went to meditation clinics, he went to terrorist organizations, he went to the Marines, he even went to his mother. And only when Harry read this book did he figure anything out. As soon as Harry gave up, he finally felt positive again. Sloth cured Harry of being at risk, since Harry
is now hardly being anything at all.

“The impact of sloth on my life has been overwhelmingly positive” says Harry from the roll-away bed he sleeps on at the Days Inn in Canton, Ohio. “I used to be afraid of everything. Now that I know there is nothing I have to do, I’m not afraid anymore. If something awful happens, the Sloth Plan has shown me how to ignore it. I feel positive for the first time in years.”

…Think S L O T H literally and you will always have our five commandments nearby. (You see, we’ve even cut the commandments in half!)

1. S Sit instead of stand. There is no reason to get up for anything. Everything can come to you. That includes food, sex, religion, conversation, intellectual stimulation, even freedom.
2. L Let yourself go. Say goodbye to everything that keeps you tightly wound. Start today by throwing away your Palm Pilot, Blackberry, and for those of you who are electronically challenged, your Filofax.
3. O Open your mouth and let anything you feel like enter. Once you stop restricting intake, food will become more pleasurable and less of a neurotic compulsion.
4. T Toil no more. For god’s sake, stop working unless it is something you can do lying down.
5. H Happiness is within me. I don’t have to work at it. And happiness, not annual checkups and vitamin B-12 shots and Viagra, is the key for a permanent groundwork for disease

Again, for those of you who need constant visual reinforcement or want to change the prayer in your mezuzah, here is the sloth mantra.

S L O T H

S Sit instead of stand.
L Let yourself go.
O Open your mouth.
T Toil no more.
H Happiness is within me.

I promise these five sloth commandments will change your life like no other plan you have tried before. It’s time to stop looking for answers. The answer is sloth.

If you want to read more, check out Sloth by Wendy Wasserstein.